We can tell ourselves it’s all worth it, because even though they will be crestfallen in the future, right now in the present we can see a five year old scream with delight because Santa Claus loves her and knows exactly what she wanted.
Contrary to popular opinion Krampus is not Saint Nicholas’s shadow, nor is he the love child of Satan and the Greek God Pan.
Fiddler on the Roof meets Carrie
It’s almost Buddhist – her detachment and rejection of material, hedonistic pursuits.
At least when shit hits the fan I’ll have tomatoes.
This is only entertaining video of someone playing a video game on YouTube.
“There are plenty of zines and lit sites that give authors a platform to talk about their favorite seltzer water and convince everyone they use a typewriter, which is great and all, but that’s not what this is.”
Madeleine Swann takes every creepy online psychology test you’ve secretly wanted to try.
“Don’t you hate it when you’re a god, and you just want a sandwich from your favorite chicken joint, and you specify at the counter that you DO NOT WANT PICKLES on your sandwich.”
Hey DFW fans…
Get your Tight 15 ready
“We have the meetings in the basement of Joel’s Fixed Speed Bikes and Mustache Wax Emporium.”
“No more CHRISTMAS SHIT for the rest of the night.”
Ghosts trying to get laid, an “erotic” burning bush, forbidden love between sea monsters and more fill this collection of Torah-influenced bizarro, horror, and pulp fiction. You gotta dig any book that has a recipe for a skinhead-killing Golem.”
Spoiler Alert: The entertainment industry hates you.
“MGOTW are upset and are lighting up the boards on 4Chan and try to start a care.org to get the bill overturned, but they lost focus when a leaked nude of Kaley Cucoco appeared on Reddit.”
This is when frogs come hopping. He is unsettled by their black, staring eyes.
Headed by Rupi Kaur and infamous Instagram Bro Poet Collin Yost
“You look exactly like your Facebook photos, and it’s making my stomach all mushy.”
“Shared weirdness in a damp Necon hotel room.”
“I know your mom stole your whole name from her favorite telenovela.”
“The bride told me I looked like shit. Then she laughed.”
“Aliens don’t give a fuck about you.”
“More people need to wear a panda head when they do interviews.”
“It was a radtacular time.”
“There was the summer my friends and I saw this kid pee on his parent’s car.”
“Now we finally get our own supervillain.”
“It felt much more like a conversation than a sort of performance of me-ness.”
“Actually, I’m a Pisces. A sad, aging emo boy in a sad, aging emo world.”
“We all smelled bad and dressed sloppy acted like we hated the place.”
“My friends were all hood rats.”
“Being on this podcast made me feel like I fell into some weird Loony Tunes wormhole.”
“I felt okay about being charmless. I was going to eat ice-cream.”
“Bet it feels good to smash up a toilet.”
“I picture myself as Lena Dunham with a beard.”
“I’m still the heathen it represents, but now I’m a sober, happy heathen.”
“I am honored to play the role of Lieutenant Olivia Benson on SVU”
MAGIC HAPPENS EVERY DAY
“I have a firm belief that sacred cows make the best hamburgers.”
“Every human being gets addicted to something.’
“Once he jumped on me while I was humping my pillow.”
“When I think of people with mustaches, I think of my dad, Burt Reynolds, and cowboys.”
“My heart is a dumpster fire.”
One of the earliest reviews I received said, “A full on satire of contemporary law as mesmerizing and complex as something lost from David Foster Wallace, yet as light in tone as A Confederacy of Dunces.” First I was flattered, thrilled, and then I thought, wait, didn’t both those guys kill themselves?
“Bizarro is the Chaos Magick of literature.”
“You made all of this happen with your book,” one Twitter user scolded me.”
“I had the image of me eating my heart but it was cake instead of my actual heart.”
“Titles such as Wall of Kiss, Mother Puncher, and Suicide Girls in the Afterlife grab your attention and make you wonder what kind of madness unfolds within those pages.”
“I just chose the gutter to dwell in, and with what the world seems to be moving into, I think it’s a perfect place to assess and judge it.”
“Amongst his many deific duties, Murray plays poet and maharishi to the various extraterrestrial corporate entities that run our universe. He keeps them merciful.”