Here are all the time-honored tropes in one convenient checklist
I let each client unwittingly summon their own workout monster.
Fiddler on the Roof meets Carrie
Everyone who entered and was brave enough to make a film in 48 hours deserves a review.
Time was ticking away and I was riding the rush of fear and excitement of chasing the deadline.
CLASH knows you’re creative, so let’s share that awesomeness with the world!
Those are my muthafuckin’ turkey giblets for my muthafuckin’ mouth!!!
Do they more than whisper?
How stupid would it be if he ruptured his L4-L5 disc while bending over to pick up his knife?
“Comedy is laughing so the werewolves won’t tear you apart.”
YouTube has picked popular vlogger EatDatPussy445 for the starring role.
Get your Tight 15 ready
Everything you wanted to know about Bitcoin is here in this video!
One of the finest and funniest noir shorts we’ve seen this year.
“NO LITTLE BITCHES!”
“CLASH wants your creepy stories!”
“Look, I’ve read a great French author named Marquis de Sade. 120 Days of Sodom. So I know what’s up.”
“BONED is a sexy, strange, and heartfelt story about fighting for what you love, no matter how insane the obstacles and how bizarre the stakes.”
“I know what you’re thinking: why Kid Rock? Why not Limp Bizkit or Uncle Kracker or some other horrible nü-metal band scraped out of the armpit of the late 90s?”
“I didn’t know who the hell this Brian guy was, but I did want to fuck her.”
Let’s just say right off the bat that we are deeply disappointed! Yes, us! And yes, “deeply” is the right word—it works to show exactly how disappointed we are.
“Let me tell you why you hate SJWs so much: you hate them because you’re perfectly comfortable with things the way they are. “
“This is a going-away party. So, please: Go away.”
“DIRTY’S GUIDE TO CLEAN LIVING AND BROOKLYN ZOOING…”
“Perv #2: So, who is this Anna Karenina bitch? Does she like the D?”
“You must be amazing because karma has blessed you with finding me.”
“Ted Cruz decided that he really doesn’t give a fuck about Donald Trump or the Republican Party because they are some mark-ass bitches.”
“Bad dancing skills at a club can make the coldness of the ice in her screwdriver or Bayberry Breeze travel all the way down to her vagina.”
“Christoph Paul asks some tough questions to phone sex actress and author Jenny Ainsile-Turner
“Our ghost-writing services have also been used for top-notch public figures: Justin Bieber, Paula Deen, Jared Kushner, Johnny Manziel, Paul Ryan, Anthony Weiner, and many more!”
“Must eat more fat people. Thank God, I’m in America.”
“With an attempt to reach young people and please the donors of the NRA, The Republican Party will feature Slim Jesus speaking at their 2016 convention.”
“Mandy De Sandra exposes the truth behind Brexit.”
“The Evolutionary Psychology Department of Dartmouth published a peer-reviewed study on the sexual attractiveness and sexual experience of men who send Private Messages on Facebook. In the sample survey of the 1032 men selected, those who sent sexual messages and compliments to strangers were the least likely to reproduce.”
“The soundtrack is amazing, the casting is perfect, and you kind of fall in love with Colin Farrell despite his serial killer mustache.”
“If the Cavs win Donald Trump has no chance to win the election. He needs Ohio and West Pennsylvania citizens to be as miserable as possible to give him any hope of becoming president.”
“Moby Dick was way too long and talked way too much about whales (like, real ones, not the chicks in Alpha Phi), but it had an awesome theme I could relate to—brotherhood”
“Being a really tall and muscular white boy is better than being in a boy band in the late 90’s”
“I hate saying, ‘I like exercising’ — I want to punch people who say that.”
“You know, outside the circus, most people were afraid of me.”
“People study for college finals and job interviews so the lack of effort and preparation to adequately pay tribute to the bride and groom is puzzling.”
“YouTube editor and comedian Harrison Jeffs has edited, quite possibly, the most amusing video on the internet this week.”
“Legion of Skanks will be relocating to the smaller, in-house network GaSDigital, run by Luis J. Gomez and Ralph Sutton. “
“I was trying to invoke Satan and accidentally invoked the ghost of Margaret Thatcher instead. Now she’s bugging me, telling me about how privatizations can help my country. How do I get rid of her?”
“If you stick a hotdog into a donut and 9 months later a Twinkie knocks on your door asking for it’s Dad… like is that cheating?”
“Meet Ernie. His life is a mess. Gretchen’s gone, and the apartment they once shared in this grey, grim city is now overrun with intelligent mold and sinister bugs.”
“It’s almost as if the authors, publishing houses, and websites in this circle are eating the feces of their neighbors, digesting them, shitting them out, and feeding them to the next person like an oval human centipede.”
“Like most boys I hated Twilight, and like most boys it wasn’t because of it’s lack of cinematic value. Saying ‘it’s stupid’ was just a front to cover up my true feelings about the popularity of the movie.”
“Rob Fee is one of the most talented comedy writers working. Odds are likely that if you recognize his name (or don’t recognize his name) you’ve read at least one article from him. More recently, he gained attention through his vocal criticisms of The Fat Jew’s joke thievery.”
“We came across a brilliantly crafted, recut trailer for The Farrelly Brothers’ 1994 classic Dumb & Dumber, starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels.”
“Practice Makes Perfect captures the rootlessness of our own time as deftly as Hemingway did in The Sun Also Rises. This is not only a skilled novella, but an important one.”
“Keanu is set to be released April 29th.”
“This isn’t a piece on if you agree with me or not, this is merely what it is.”
“Camille Cosby is done standing by her husband Bill. Numerous sources are now saying that she’s been “thoroughly humiliated” and unsympathetic of his recent legal troubles.”
“…the elderly feline refused to comment.”
“Practice Makes Perfect is officially available in Paperback and eBook from the official store of CLASH Books.”
“In case you’ve been living under a rock… Netflix greenlit a sequel series to the beloved sitcom Full House starring Candice Cameron-Bure, Jodie Sweden, and Andrea Barber, proving that there is no god.”
“The seventh episode of Practice Makes Perfect prequel series will officially air December 18th.”
“It’s not only gay. It’s so bad, it’s good.”
“Today it’s been revealed that Furlan’s controversial video isn’t even original, but a carbon copy of a popular Vine released earlier this year by comedy duo Jayme Karales and Kenney Dorcely.”
“If you’re still feeling a bit burned from that Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice ‘sneak peak’ during the mid-season finale of Gotham — fear not!”
“David Lipsky (Jesse Eisenberg) is a middle-of-the-road author and journalist for Rolling Stone who undergoes the task of doing a feature on Infinite Jest author David Foster Wallace (Jason Segel) at the height of his popularity. Based on Lipsky’s book Although Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself, which detailed the five day encounter and was described as “…a road picture, a love story, a contest” by Maria Bustillos of The Awl, the film fails to capture that essence and, in effect, loses its footing.”
“A Facebook user, who shared a mildly political article from the High Times, was quoted as saying, “This is an outrage and I’ll tell you what, if you agree with this then unfriend me right now!”
“Jayme Karales’s sophomore publication Practice Makes Perfect will be released in paperback and eBook this December by Clash Books.”
“According to Judicial Watch, the front-running Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton has taken aim at five stand up comedians for mocking her at The Laugh Factory.”