Here are all the time-honored tropes in one convenient checklist
I’ve taken it upon myself to revive the celebratory art of wassailing.
We can tell ourselves it’s all worth it, because even though they will be crestfallen in the future, right now in the present we can see a five year old scream with delight because Santa Claus loves her and knows exactly what she wanted.
Back in the 1800s people told ghost stories at Christmas, not this happy crappy Hallmark stuff like today.
For witches and non-witches alike, Yule can be a great time to harness creative energy as both a celebration of the year that’s past as well as a guide for what’s to come.
Contrary to popular opinion Krampus is not Saint Nicholas’s shadow, nor is he the love child of Satan and the Greek God Pan.
“Santa Claus is an avatar of the state cult of the United States.”
“FLO IS SWEET, but she’s a hard bitch.”
“No more CHRISTMAS SHIT for the rest of the night.”
“I paid the premium to sign off on everyday America because the manufactured rage of adulthood needs to be exorcised.”
“Plant magic has been an integral part of seasonal ceremony. Long before Christmas was decking the halls, it was exploring the inner caverns of our psyche.”
Who’s to say Snowdrip or Evergreen or whatever generically named Elf won’t end up feeling the Bern and realize that their situation sucks.
“Even if his first name is Santa, he’s no saint to me.”
“My grandmother made Christmas ornaments from dried apricots and sugar cookies that she baked with her own hands, a creation upon a creation. They were all tiny women, and she gave them dark hair like us, which felt like a gift to me.”
“Our abuelitas went to special masses and some of the nativity sets under our trees featured a baby Jesus that had slightly darker skin than the Jesus the gringos put under their tree.”
“Here are five cult Christmas films sure to bring something akin to holiday cheer to the perverts and creeps among us.”
“Whether you think Christmas is shit or Christmas is the shit, when you are Catalan, your Christmas is going to be full of shit. And I mean literally. And no, it doesn’t get that dirty (usually).”
“I can’t stand most holidays. The idea of having to sit around with folks I spend most of the year trying to avoid out of social obligation always sets me on edge.”
“Myself and my two older sisters were never exactly Little Women but we did our best not to hate each other.”
“Amongst his many deific duties, Murray plays poet and maharishi to the various extraterrestrial corporate entities that run our universe. He keeps them merciful.”
“Entertain us with your Christmas traditions and recollections.”
“When I saw the mall Santas I always knew it was a man in a suit.”
“Around Christmas time I would have to set up The Singing Santa next to the lube.”
“With one simple phone call, holiday cheer came early for dozens of shoppers at the Walmart at Westheimer and Dunvale.
A secret Santa dropped by the store and paid off nearly $31,000 in layaways.”