“Go to a crossroads & try to summon Lucifer & see what happens.”
“The uglier parts of the show detail how they want to do what best suits them, their reputation, and their livelihood.”
Film Cricket’s Oscar Bets
Madeleine Swann takes every creepy online psychology test you’ve secretly wanted to try.
“Don’t you hate it when you’re a god, and you just want a sandwich from your favorite chicken joint, and you specify at the counter that you DO NOT WANT PICKLES on your sandwich.”
Fuck, Kill, or Mary: Philip K. Dick, Dick Wolf, Dick Van Dyke?
Hey DFW fans…
Writer and YouTuber Wizard of Cause VLOGS about why artists of all types need isolation.
Warning: Experiment with these practices at your own risk.
Here’s some inspiration for all of you creators starting or finishing projects this year.
“Krampus is the kind of mythological figure I can get behind.”
“No more CHRISTMAS SHIT for the rest of the night.”
“Watching them win this money, I started to feel like I had squandered my life.”
“when you swipe your fingers between my thighs like that it’s like someone smashing the motherfucking like button on all of my tweets at once”
Spoiler Alert: The entertainment industry hates you.
“The Tarot is all about accessing your subconscious and conversing with it.”
“I said dance, pendejo!”
“Shake people, shock people, disturb people, terrify people, confuse people—the only way to affect change.”
“I dreamed of white veils and black habits.”
“After bathing in the blood of several children.”
Halloween became a thing I wanted to nail in Kindergarten.
He’s reconciled the misanthrope and the romantic in a way that doesn’t feel uneven.
This is when frogs come hopping. He is unsettled by their black, staring eyes.
Her smile was sharp and immediate; her eyes were twin voids.
How did my pain get so big?
I enjoyed rambling through a wide range of topics.
“What was it like to have your first book There’s No Happy Ending optioned by Vivid Video for their hand job denial imprint?”
What better time to cross that threshold than during the month of Samhain!
LET’S GET WITCHY!
“This movie is OUT THERE. It is dark and funny and to top it all, it is a musical.”
Headed by Rupi Kaur and infamous Instagram Bro Poet Collin Yost
“You look exactly like your Facebook photos, and it’s making my stomach all mushy.”
“Shared weirdness in a damp Necon hotel room.”
“I know your mom stole your whole name from her favorite telenovela.”
“The bride told me I looked like shit. Then she laughed.”
“In the words of Brian Keene, please go die in a tire fire.”
“Mad Max: Fury Road level survival intensified by the worst Burning Man acid trip.”
“TRAGEDY QUEENS is an anthology that brings together two powerful muses.”
“Aliens don’t give a fuck about you.”
“If you watch this and don’t get turned on you are officially a corpse.”
“To fight, we need to believe in ourselves first.”
“She is not scared of owning her badness or her goodness.”
“More people need to wear a panda head when they do interviews.”
“Sorry KatyCats, I think I might have just switched alliances.”
“Even today, the original has lost none of its potency.”
“Marisol is a bruja who must grapple with sexual abuse.”
“Charlottesville started a snowball effect.”
“It was a radtacular time.”
“In the 1980s and 90s photocopied, or Xeroxed, zines were very popular.”
“These stories get under your skin.”
“The F word is used three times in the first three sentences.”
“Palahniuk is himself a member of the Cacophony Society.”
“There was the summer my friends and I saw this kid pee on his parent’s car.”
“I think I was smoking a cigar.”
“She looked at me, my tiny jeans falling off of my concave stomach, and then wrote in my copy of the book, “Baby Steps.”
“Now we finally get our own supervillain.”
“The panels ooze with demented sexuality, brutality and, uh, eyeball licking.”
“I think of the times I’ve cragged my legless body across razorwire, skin sloughing off as the napalm digs into me.”
“Your father has a devil inside him.”
“How cool would it be if you actually got Cher to do a poetry zine for one of the Ladybox releases?”
Yo, this is creepy and gory. So if that is not is your thing, don’t click play. If it is your thing–your welcome.
“It seems that Marvel Studios learned fast to pay it forward.”
“If you think every other author out there is your enemy, you can go fuck yourself.”
“Come to Vegas and we can go to karaoke.”
“10/10 would chat again”
“We’re a bunch of slanted-eyed brown girls watching wide-eyed white girls being chased by a killer.”
“A man lives with a parasite in him.”
“It felt much more like a conversation than a sort of performance of me-ness.”
“Actually, I’m a Pisces. A sad, aging emo boy in a sad, aging emo world.”
“My friends were all hood rats.”
“Dreams are often a strange equalizer.”
Take a trip to the METAL side of LIT
“Being on this podcast made me feel like I fell into some weird Loony Tunes wormhole.”
There is no such thing as fair during times like this.”
“I felt okay about being charmless. I was going to eat ice-cream.”
“I was a religious little boy and thought Guns N’ Roses were nothing but sinners and going to hell.”
“I can’t untangle my queerness from my politics or my magickal practice.”
“Bet it feels good to smash up a toilet.”
“I picture myself as Lena Dunham with a beard.”
“When I finally decided to quit drinking I had anxiety about being alone.”
“I want to make shit happen.”
“No vampires, werewolves, and certainly no witches.”
“I’m still the heathen it represents, but now I’m a sober, happy heathen.”
“I fought so long to plant a flag in something that never should have been disputed territory.”
MAGIC HAPPENS EVERY DAY
“I have a firm belief that sacred cows make the best hamburgers.”
“Every human being gets addicted to something.’
“If you expend so much effort into being what other people desire it’ll leave you feeling empty.”
“Once he jumped on me while I was humping my pillow.”
“You can just imagine all those Chinese like a little army of yellow ants crawling over it, can’t you?”
“Kathleen Hanna never stops. She can’t be kept down.”
“BRUJA is a fluid, non-linear, and organic experience.”
“I visit old people in their homes and help them with daily tasks, like cooking and cleaning and bathing.”
“When I think of people with mustaches, I think of my dad, Burt Reynolds, and cowboys.”
“Tragedy Queens is an anthology that brings together two powerful muses.”
“My heart is a dumpster fire.”
One of the earliest reviews I received said, “A full on satire of contemporary law as mesmerizing and complex as something lost from David Foster Wallace, yet as light in tone as A Confederacy of Dunces.” First I was flattered, thrilled, and then I thought, wait, didn’t both those guys kill themselves?
“You can probably read the book faster than an acid trip lasts .”
“Spring Breakers and Gummo specifically pop to mind.”
“I first saw Mother’s Day when I was thirteen.”
“I am compelled to tell stories.”
“Basically, Elizabeth Ellen should win the Pulitzer Prize and then immediately be beaten to death with it because she’s so good, so human, so completely fucked.”
“My personal favorite character is a talking bathroom that literally fucks Kyle.”
“Bizarro is the Chaos Magick of literature.”
“I dreamt about Lola at night.”
“There are also realistic portraits of my cats, a sheep in wolves clothing, and ton of book references.”
“We loved Kerouac’s Mexico City Blues and Enzo wanted to read the whole book out loud. It took a long time because we got very drunk.”
“You made all of this happen with your book,” one Twitter user scolded me.”
“I had the image of me eating my heart but it was cake instead of my actual heart.”
“What does it mean to survive?”
“Imagine if Raymond Chandler or Dashiell Hammett wrote about talking chickens and anthropomorphic eggs in muumuus.”
“I can already see the glazed over eyes of anyone who dares read this shit.”
“Titles such as Wall of Kiss, Mother Puncher, and Suicide Girls in the Afterlife grab your attention and make you wonder what kind of madness unfolds within those pages.”
“If you enjoy surrealistic Bizarro fiction with a heart too big to contain within its pages, then this is the collection for you.”
“Old gods lurk behind the stars, old loves linger on from Earth, and Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids.”
“Imagine watching your ten-year old drawing chainsaw dicks.”
“We live in a time that fetishizes 80s popular culture, so wouldn’t it be rad if you developed a vaginal opening on your stomach that supports Betamax tapes?”
“Godzilla helped give me my moral compass.”
“I just chose the gutter to dwell in, and with what the world seems to be moving into, I think it’s a perfect place to assess and judge it.”
Danger Slater is a Bizarro writer who uses surrealism, dark humor, and a healthy dose of existential angst to create his stories.
“All of my tattoos are reflections, more or less, of visions.”
“I do not control people’s boner.”
CLASH Media catches up with Constance Ann Fitzgerald and talks about her new book, Glue.
“I kinda wanna feel like I am being possessed by the ghost of Jackie O. I wanna feel like she’s talking to me and I wanna get kinda creeped out and tripped out about that.”
““Platform Edge” is an urban-surreal nightmare comedy centering around
the deranged, demented and disastrous lives of two wayward housemates.”
“Our abuelitas went to special masses and some of the nativity sets under our trees featured a baby Jesus that had slightly darker skin than the Jesus the gringos put under their tree.”
“Here are five cult Christmas films sure to bring something akin to holiday cheer to the perverts and creeps among us.”
“Whether you think Christmas is shit or Christmas is the shit, when you are Catalan, your Christmas is going to be full of shit. And I mean literally. And no, it doesn’t get that dirty (usually).”
“Myself and my two older sisters were never exactly Little Women but we did our best not to hate each other.”
“Amongst his many deific duties, Murray plays poet and maharishi to the various extraterrestrial corporate entities that run our universe. He keeps them merciful.”
“What a surreal time to be alive in all the history of the world and be who I am.”
“Platform Edge” is an urban-surreal nightmare comedy centering around the deranged, demented and disastrous lives of two wayward housemates.”
“Guaranteed to give you and your potential lay the weirdest boners imaginable, lady or otherwise.”
This poem should at least get some Google hits.
“In the mid 1970s, record stores and radio stations around the country started receiving copies of a 12-inch single.”
“What’s remarkable about these stories is Evenson’s ability to turn familiar, mundane things into objects of terror.”
“CLASH wants your creepy stories!”
“Hey, so I was wonderin’, do you think I can maybe get backstage?”
“Every night he asks me the same question. “Will you sleep with me?”
“Screams filled the kitchen of the frat house.”
“BONED is a sexy, strange, and heartfelt story about fighting for what you love, no matter how insane the obstacles and how bizarre the stakes.”
“I know what you’re thinking: why Kid Rock? Why not Limp Bizkit or Uncle Kracker or some other horrible nü-metal band scraped out of the armpit of the late 90s?”
“I didn’t know who the hell this Brian guy was, but I did want to fuck her.”
“TRAGEDY QUEENS is an anthology that brings together two powerful muses.”
“Batman: The Killing Joke (directed by Sam Liu) is a film that, on paper, should have been dazzling and yet has found itself with a lack of support among fans and general audiences alike.”
“Where other films would shy away from the weird or cut away before things get ugly, Jodorowsky grabs the viewer by the collar and drags them into the thick of it.”
“One of the finest actors working, Shia LaBeouf, is up to his old antics again.”
“I love music. Like fuckin’ throw away my life “love music”. I have ended multiple relationships over music. Not close to the Rob Gordon level, but like, It’s me or the music. and I reply with, I’ll still be able to play guitar in my seventies. So as soon as I felt I deserved an opinion on music, I got one.”
“I came across this news article talking about how Italian museums covered statues of nude women in order to avoid offending the president of Iran.
I’m sorry, but what is this shit?”