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Category Archive: Satire

Super Serious Internet Interview with Max Booth III

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“You have been very critical of anthologies paying in signed photographs. Why do you hate photography, Max?”

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Top 5 Books to Prepare Martin Shkreli for Prison

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“I will recommend 5 books to prepare Martin Shkreli for his time in prison.”

The Death Metal Lit of Dean Swinford

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Take a trip to the METAL side of LIT

Quit Making the Talentless Rich With Your Terrible Taste and B. Diehl

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“Being on this podcast made me feel like I fell into some weird Loony Tunes wormhole.”

YOU CAN CATCH SADNESS AND DEATH LIKE A FEVER: An Interview with Scott McClanahan

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“I was a religious little boy and thought Guns N’ Roses were nothing but sinners and going to hell.”

YOU AND I WILL ONE DAY FEEL THE JOY OF DESTROYING AN ENTIRE BATHROOM WITH OUR BARE HANDS: An Interview with Benjamin DeVos

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“Bet it feels good to smash up a toilet.”

Melania Trump’s New Portrait Actually Headshot for New Law and Order: SVU Role

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“I am honored to play the role of Lieutenant Olivia Benson on SVU”

Alexander Boldizar, Chaos, Harvard, and The Ugly

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“I have a firm belief that sacred cows make the best hamburgers.”

The Love Witch: An Unconventional Review by Autumn Christian

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“If you expend so much effort into being what other people desire it’ll leave you feeling empty.”

Have Hipsters Ruined the Mustache?

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“When I think of people with mustaches, I think of my dad, Burt Reynolds, and cowboys.”

Unicorns are Evil and Brian Alan Ellis: Get Lit With Leza Podcast

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“My heart is a dumpster fire.”

Author Alexander Boldizar Interviewed by Christoph Paul

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One of the earliest reviews I received said, “A full on satire of contemporary law as mesmerizing and complex as something lost from David Foster Wallace, yet as light in tone as A Confederacy of Dunces.” First I was flattered, thrilled, and then I thought, wait, didn’t both those guys kill themselves?

John Edward Lawson Talks Books at AWP

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“Bizarro is the Chaos Magick of literature.”

It Was Supposed To Be A Satire. It Turned Out To Be A Prophecy

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“You made all of this happen with your book,” one Twitter user scolded me.”

CLASH Gets Spooky With Gina Ranalli

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“Titles such as Wall of Kiss, Mother Puncher, and Suicide Girls in the Afterlife grab your attention and make you wonder what kind of madness unfolds within those pages.”

Godzilla, Golden Showers, Voodoo and Writing Rituals, and Why Portland, Oregon is Doggie Heaven: CLASH Catches Up With Bizarro Author Garrett Cook

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“Godzilla helped give me my moral compass.”

THE TRANSGRESSIVE ANTI-TRUMP BIZARRO ART OF JIM AGPALZA

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“I just chose the gutter to dwell in, and with what the world seems to be moving into, I think it’s a perfect place to assess and judge it.”

SEASONS BEATINGS: A BIZARRO HOLIDAY COMIC

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““Platform Edge” is an urban-surreal nightmare comedy centering around
the deranged, demented and disastrous lives of two wayward housemates.”

#the Tao of Murray

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“Amongst his many deific duties, Murray plays poet and maharishi to the various extraterrestrial corporate entities that run our universe. He keeps them merciful.”

The Art of Perfecting the Rap Squat

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“You’ve seen the squat. The prayer hands. The effortless glow. This is the rap squat whispered about in ancient hip-hop lore. Many try, but few can pull it off.”

The Implosion of Trump and the Cannibalization of Pence

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“To support his claims to well endowed-ness, Donald J Trump attempted to have a bigger dick, tattooed on his dick.”

Korn’s Jonathan Davis is a Front Runner for 2017 Nobel Literature Prize

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“you not rrrh rot
dot n dot n dot per rot
dot n not n dot per
n dot chi cot n dot rrr ah
dot dot ki o ma gri a dot
dot ers a pa ta ko”

WHY I DECIDED TO QUIT WRITING AND BECOME A KID ROCK FAN INSTEAD

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“I know what you’re thinking: why Kid Rock? Why not Limp Bizkit or Uncle Kracker or some other horrible nü-metal band scraped out of the armpit of the late 90s?”

Sam Bradford is Excited to Help The Vikings Go 8-8

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“You ever watch them teen movies where the girl with glasses that acts like nerd becomes hot. I’m like the nerd girl of quarterbacks, but I ain’t ever going to get hot.”

Letter to Stephen King from The American Adverb Association

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Let’s just say right off the bat that we are deeply disappointed! Yes, us! And yes, “deeply” is the right word—it works to show exactly how disappointed we are.

Rex Ryan’s Foot Fetish Poem

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“They’re fucking beautiful.
Size Five just like I like.
Better feet than Vinateri
has in the fourth quarter.”

‘Suicide Squad’ – “The Helicopters Were Cool”

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“When Suicide Squad was announced there was a lot of fanfare and excitement surrounding the project.”

Ted Cruz is Gangsta as Fuck

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“Ted Cruz decided that he really doesn’t give a fuck about Donald Trump or the Republican Party because they are some mark-ass bitches.”

Scientific Study of What Male Actions Cause the Most Vaginal Dryness

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“Bad dancing skills at a club can make the coldness of the ice in her screwdriver or Bayberry Breeze travel all the way down to her vagina.”

Slim Jesus Will Be Speaking At The Republican Convention

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“With an attempt to reach young people and please the donors of the NRA, The Republican Party will feature Slim Jesus speaking at their 2016 convention.”

Kevin Durant Announces He Will Only Play NBA 2K17 With Cheat Codes

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“Durant declined to comment on why he chose cheat codes. Speculation says he could feel his fingers were not as flexible as they once were and the cheat codes could give him more time to focus on defense and passing.”

The White Supremacist Werewolf Witches of Britain (Part 1)

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“Mandy De Sandra exposes the truth behind Brexit.”

New Evolutionary Psychology Study Shows Men Who Send Sexual Private Messages on Facebook Are Least Likely To Reproduce

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“The Evolutionary Psychology Department of Dartmouth published a peer-reviewed study on the sexual attractiveness and sexual experience of men who send Private Messages on Facebook. In the sample survey of the 1032 men selected, those who sent sexual messages and compliments to strangers were the least likely to reproduce.”

Brian Keene and The Buddy System Strikes Again!

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“‘The Buddy System’ is the Illuminati of horror fiction”

Charles “Chug Life” Donaldson’s Moby Dick Paper

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“Moby Dick was way too long and talked way too much about whales (like, real ones, not the chicks in Alpha Phi), but it had an awesome theme I could relate to—brotherhood”

Vine Star Baked Alaska Releases “Make America Great Again” Anthem

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“Vine sensation Baked Alaska has decided to release an anthem the presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump.”

MFA vs NYC Video Game Coming Soon

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“In exciting publishing and video game news, the video game MFA vs NYC is now in post-production.”

After We Destroy ‘Ghostbusters’, Let’s Go Burn Down Julia Roberts’ House!

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“We shouldn’t stop at Ghostbusters. We aren’t misogynists or racists, we are film lovers. We want purity.”

“George Lucas Interview Gone Wrong” is the New ‘Sad Affleck’

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“YouTube editor and comedian Harrison Jeffs has edited, quite possibly, the most amusing video on the internet this week.”

Top 10 ‘Game of Thrones’ Quotes to Use While Having Sex

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“Tell me, which do you favor, your fingers or your tongue?”

Ask Maddie: An Advice Column From Author Madeleine Swann

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“If you stick a hotdog into a donut and 9 months later a Twinkie knocks on your door asking for it’s Dad… like is that cheating?”

How To Rot With Danger Slater

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“Danger Slater is the stand up comic of the Bizarro Fiction scene. He has googly eyes, a big heart, and a mind that is teeming with dark and forbidden secrets.”

An Ode to Trump

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“Seeing people supporting him,
it shocks me, it makes me numb.”

ASK MADDIE: AN ADVICE COLUMN FROM AUTHOR MADELEINE SWANN

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“Dear Maddie, I’m a happily married woman but I sometimes feel bored, like I’m missing out on life.”

Drugs Dealers Already Coming Up With Codes For Facebook’s New Like Options

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“While many longtime Facebook users are complaining about the new “Like” options on Facebook, many entrepreneurial drug dealers are coming back to the social media site.”

Live Fast, Die Young: Harper Lee Found Dead in NY Apartment of a Cocaine Overdose

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“An unnamed source reported Lee be acting reckless, stating she’d taken 13 shots of Jim Beam whiskey off of a pair of stripper’s titties. Lee was 89 years old.”

Antonin Scalia’s Blood Will Now Be Used For Barilla Pasta Sauce

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“Homophobic pasta giant Barilla will now being using Scalia’s blood for their brand new sauce: Antonin & Eve.”

Second Edition of ‘Great White House’ Arrives from CLASH Books

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“CLASH Books has a put on a revised second edition of Great White House. It coincides with the March 10 release of Great White House 2: Billary Bites Back. “

How Hydroxycut Gummies Sweetened & Spiced Up My Sex Life

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“Dieting was really hurting our sex life. Then we discovered the miracle of Hydroxycut Gummies.”

Small Press Names 10 Other Small Presses in Top 10 List of Nepotism & Dick Suckery

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“It’s almost as if the authors, publishing houses, and websites in this circle are eating the feces of their neighbors, digesting them, shitting them out, and feeding them to the next person like an oval human centipede.”

New Jersey JuggalosB4Hoes Chat Room Transcript

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“Below is a leaked transcript from the New Jersey 3rd Circuit Court. It is a conversation of a 3 man chat room group: New Jersey JuggalosB4Hoes. This conversation contains very offensive material and Clash Media does not support these sentiments or the Juggalos.”

Iowa Republicans Nominate First Pedophile Vampire For President

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“Evangelicals decided that a Pedophile Vampire who was also a Christian best represented their values.”

Nate Dogg’s Diary Shows He Still Had Fun Even When The Homies Can’t Have None

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“I took these hoes to the Denny’s bathroom. I started singing for these tricks, serenading these hoes as they gave me all the pussy and they even licked my balls.”

#OscarsSoWhite: An Oral History

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“An open dialogue with the many forces that brought this issue to the fore, what it means to the future of our entertainment industry.”

God’s Suicide Note

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“Last night the lifeless body of God was found on the floor of its apartment in the Sagittarius arm, near the center of the milk way galaxy.”

Cat Caught Drinking Out of Toilet, Flees Scene Humiliated – Reputation in Shambles

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“…the elderly feline refused to comment.”

All Fetuses Go To Heaven: A Children’s Story on Abortion

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“Once upon a time in a magical place named New Jersey there was a young woman named Jane. She had pretty blond hair and liked to drink magical juice that made her forget how boring College was: a place where people read magical books to make their brains bigger…”

“If You Disagree With My Opinion Then UnFriend Me,” Says Pre-Teen Masquerading As an Adult

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“A Facebook user, who shared a mildly political article from the High Times, was quoted as saying, “This is an outrage and I’ll tell you what, if you agree with this then unfriend me right now!”