How Gardening Turned Me Into A Doomsday Prepper

At least when shit hits the fan I’ll have tomatoes.

Advertisements

Who The Fuck Are We Anyway?

“What I’m really fascinated by is this branding of the self, turning one’s own social media performance into a deliberate consumable item.”

How Fungi Magic Made Christmas

“Plant magic has been an integral part of seasonal ceremony. Long before Christmas was decking the halls, it was exploring the inner caverns of our psyche.”

Maslow’s Hierarchy for Bros

There’s a group of weird contrarians who’ve decided they’re not getting their 3Ps because of someone else: Corporations, Immigrants, Banks and/or Jews, Feminists and/or Feminazis, African-Americans, the Man, etc.

Writers Should be Like Sam Hinkie & Trust The Process

In professional sports there is ALMOST never a good reason to lose, and in writing there is never a good reason to write poorly. Both are the golden rules of being ‘successful’ but what if you need to lose to get better, and need to write some shit to get better? What if losing and being shitty is part of the process to become great?

THE HOMESICK MINIVAN

“We loved Kerouac’s Mexico City Blues and Enzo wanted to read the whole book out loud. It took a long time because we got very drunk.”

The Christmas Poop of Catalan

“Whether you think Christmas is shit or Christmas is the shit, when you are Catalan, your Christmas is going to be full of shit. And I mean literally. And no, it doesn’t get that dirty (usually).”

THE BONE YARD- CASE #1

“I still have the yellowed newspaper clipping, the piece of evidence, and the skull wrapped up in an old box in the back of my personal files.”

I’ve Become Radicalized

“America, and by that I mean the United States because America is much bigger and full of non-US residents, was never great, but these kids deserve to grow up in a place that’s less divisive, less stupid, less racist and sexist and homophobic. “

DC Mandingo Pizza Party

“Me and The DC Mandingos we got a gangbang going on tonight; it is with some old white woman in Bethesda. We’re gonna film it. You should come, man; there’s going to be pizza.”

The Shit the Bed Blues

“She looked at me and said, “You guys actually don’t suck. And you remind me of Billy Corgan, but with hair. Do you have any pot?”

Tuesdays With Morrie

“There are certain stains that can’t be justified in my life. I let an old man tug at my dick for a hundred bucks, and I slapped his cheeks and came over his face, and felt good, and bought an eighth and some Xanax.”