“People tell lies about you, and other people believe them.”
As a New Yorker, it’s not a hard city to love when the literal metaphor of a mask is littered everywhere—when there’s art oozing out of every corner.
“You probably consider yourself an honest person, but honestly, you lie all the time.”
“Games like poker are no longer being defined by the table.”
At least when shit hits the fan I’ll have tomatoes.
“The uglier parts of the show detail how they want to do what best suits them, their reputation, and their livelihood.”
CLASH Books will be publishing Godless Heathens: Conversations with Atheists by author Andrew J. Rausch.
“What I’m really fascinated by is this branding of the self, turning one’s own social media performance into a deliberate consumable item.”
“Comedy is laughing so the werewolves won’t tear you apart.”
“The truth is that I had all the opportunities in the world to sing and act, but I was too scared of failure, too busy comparing myself to my peers to tap into my own creativity.”
“Here’s a list of things you should do and be on the lookout for when it comes to sending someone your work.”
CLASH Books presents Issue #1 of CLASH Magazine
“Somewhere around the 193rd episode, I’ve come to recognize that this ‘innocent’ cartoon is peppered with subliminal messages.”
“The first time you think your chest is going to explode, it tends to take the fight out of you.”
“We have the meetings in the basement of Joel’s Fixed Speed Bikes and Mustache Wax Emporium.”
Editor and author Christoph Paul explains how writing notes (and being brutally honest) about a finished draft will make you a better writer, give you better standards, and help you write books you will feel proud of.
“At first, I didn’t feel any pain, but then I ended up falling down a flight of stairs while carrying an air conditioner.”
“I thought a blog would give me direction but it kinda didn’t do that at all. It kinda made me more aimless.”
“No more CHRISTMAS SHIT for the rest of the night.”
“Some of the narratives on this list need to fuck off and disappear forever, but others may or may not become amazing stories in the right hands.”
“I paid the premium to sign off on everyday America because the manufactured rage of adulthood needs to be exorcised.”
“Watching them win this money, I started to feel like I had squandered my life.”
“Plant magic has been an integral part of seasonal ceremony. Long before Christmas was decking the halls, it was exploring the inner caverns of our psyche.”
Who’s to say Snowdrip or Evergreen or whatever generically named Elf won’t end up feeling the Bern and realize that their situation sucks.
“The presence of so much morbidity is both thrilling and unnerving.”
Spoiler Alert: The entertainment industry hates you.
“Even if his first name is Santa, he’s no saint to me.”
A compare and contrast of Miley Cyrus’ Malibu and Chelesa Wolfe’s Spun
“Each of the writers by day seven had shared raw truths, built scene after scene and perfected their skills.”
“And here I was thinking Pulp Fiction was going to be your greatest cultural contribution.”
“Shake people, shock people, disturb people, terrify people, confuse people—the only way to affect change.”
Halloween became a thing I wanted to nail in Kindergarten.
“The following represent some of the best and worst blends on the market.”
He’s reconciled the misanthrope and the romantic in a way that doesn’t feel uneven.
I enjoyed rambling through a wide range of topics.
What better time to cross that threshold than during the month of Samhain!
LET’S GET WITCHY!
“Humans are addicted to anxiety.”
“He was a rebel of his time.”
“You look exactly like your Facebook photos, and it’s making my stomach all mushy.”
“I know your mom stole your whole name from her favorite telenovela.”
“The bride told me I looked like shit. Then she laughed.”
“In the words of Brian Keene, please go die in a tire fire.”
“Easily the most bizarre conversation I’ve ever been a part of.”
“Aliens don’t give a fuck about you.”
“Applebee’s, golf, and Buffalo Wild Wings are terrible.”
“I have read Revelations almost 1000 times and when I saw Trump running I praised Jesus and got ready. I knew without a doubt this man had to be the Antichrist.”
“She is not scared of owning her badness or her goodness.”
“So where’s Houston’s most famous man of God?”
“If a great relationship with a sharp, amazing press that loves your work and hustles for you is great, then two is better, and three must be amazing.”
“Sorry KatyCats, I think I might have just switched alliances.”
“Hi there, Dudebros. Hope all is well in the frat house, basement, or wherever it is you’re reading this from.”
“Charlottesville started a snowball effect.”
There’s a group of weird contrarians who’ve decided they’re not getting their 3Ps because of someone else: Corporations, Immigrants, Banks and/or Jews, Feminists and/or Feminazis, African-Americans, the Man, etc.
The 63 year old grandfather could not be reached for commentary, but sources say he can’t wait to drink highballs while spending time with his grandchildren.
“These stories get under your skin.”
“You should just ignore Nazis and they’ll go away”
“Was it the latent sexuality of Fukunaga’s script that pushed Warner Bros away, or the Lovecraftian aspects that made it too abstract?”
“There was the summer my friends and I saw this kid pee on his parent’s car.”
“I think I was smoking a cigar.”
“She looked at me, my tiny jeans falling off of my concave stomach, and then wrote in my copy of the book, “Baby Steps.”
“Now we finally get our own supervillain.”
“Your father has a devil inside him.”
“How cool would it be if you actually got Cher to do a poetry zine for one of the Ladybox releases?”
“Cary Fukunaga’s stylistic approach mixed with, arguably, Stephen King’s best or most beloved novel would seem like a match made in heaven… right?”
“It seems that Marvel Studios learned fast to pay it forward.”
“If you think every other author out there is your enemy, you can go fuck yourself.”
“Then somebody, I don’t remember who, started playing “I Wanna Be Your Dog” by The Stooges.”
“Come to Vegas and we can go to karaoke.”
You were published this past year by Lazy Fascist Press. What was it like working with the alt-right?
“10/10 would chat again”
“We’re a bunch of slanted-eyed brown girls watching wide-eyed white girls being chased by a killer.”
“A man lives with a parasite in him.”
“It felt much more like a conversation than a sort of performance of me-ness.”
“Actually, I’m a Pisces. A sad, aging emo boy in a sad, aging emo world.”
“We all smelled bad and dressed sloppy acted like we hated the place.”
“My friends were all hood rats.”
Homesick for Another World is a collection of stories about people who are disengaged—from themselves, from their surroundings—and the far-reaching ways they seek out coping through destruction.
“Dreams are often a strange equalizer.”
Take a trip to the METAL side of LIT
In professional sports there is ALMOST never a good reason to lose, and in writing there is never a good reason to write poorly. Both are the golden rules of being ‘successful’ but what if you need to lose to get better, and need to write some shit to get better? What if losing and being shitty is part of the process to become great?
“Being on this podcast made me feel like I fell into some weird Loony Tunes wormhole.”
“I felt okay about being charmless. I was going to eat ice-cream.”
“I was a religious little boy and thought Guns N’ Roses were nothing but sinners and going to hell.”
“I can’t untangle my queerness from my politics or my magickal practice.”
“Bet it feels good to smash up a toilet.”
“I picture myself as Lena Dunham with a beard.”
“When I finally decided to quit drinking I had anxiety about being alone.”
“I want to make shit happen.”
“No vampires, werewolves, and certainly no witches.”
“I am honored to play the role of Lieutenant Olivia Benson on SVU”
“I fought so long to plant a flag in something that never should have been disputed territory.”
“The anti-Trump juggler was the best.”
MAGIC HAPPENS EVERY DAY
“If you expend so much effort into being what other people desire it’ll leave you feeling empty.”
“You can just imagine all those Chinese like a little army of yellow ants crawling over it, can’t you?”
“I visit old people in their homes and help them with daily tasks, like cooking and cleaning and bathing.”
“When I think of people with mustaches, I think of my dad, Burt Reynolds, and cowboys.”
“My heart is a dumpster fire.”
“I am compelled to tell stories.”
“Hardcore fart song, bro. I liked it.”
“If you ever bring a black man home, I’m throwing you through that window.”
“We loved Kerouac’s Mexico City Blues and Enzo wanted to read the whole book out loud. It took a long time because we got very drunk.”
“You made all of this happen with your book,” one Twitter user scolded me.”
“Somewhere in between Donald Trump’s attacks on immigrants and his comments about pussy-grabbing, it became clear that public demonstrations and marches were going to become a regular part of my life.”
“Whether you think Christmas is shit or Christmas is the shit, when you are Catalan, your Christmas is going to be full of shit. And I mean literally. And no, it doesn’t get that dirty (usually).”
“Welcome to Skin Stories, where I ask some of the most exciting voices in fiction to tell us the stories behind their tattoos.”
“I can’t stand most holidays. The idea of having to sit around with folks I spend most of the year trying to avoid out of social obligation always sets me on edge.”
“Entertain us with your Christmas traditions and recollections.”
“When I saw the mall Santas I always knew it was a man in a suit.”
“Around Christmas time I would have to set up The Singing Santa next to the lube.”
“Our nation is a cracked mirror. You stare into the glass, hoping to find solace, but you are delivered more cracks.”
“What a surreal time to be alive in all the history of the world and be who I am.”
“On November, 11th 2016, the United States will hold its first presidential inauguration for a reality TV star.”
“I still have the yellowed newspaper clipping, the piece of evidence, and the skull wrapped up in an old box in the back of my personal files.”
“I felt like I was outside myself as well as inside.”
“I didn’t realize how out of shape I was until I tried running a mile.”
“This movie is like CALVAIRE, but funnier. It’s completely absurd and surreal.”
“I remember being so happy then—a creature that stayed out too late one Halloween night and got lost in the morning light.”
“The Swedish Academy is full of elderly individuals who are apparently too tired to read thick novels.”
“I’ll never forget our one and only encounter with the real life Dolemite.”
“America, and by that I mean the United States because America is much bigger and full of non-US residents, was never great, but these kids deserve to grow up in a place that’s less divisive, less stupid, less racist and sexist and homophobic. “
“I’ve experienced a lot of diverse literary events but Brooklyn Book Festival has always been one of my favorites.”
“Here’s the thing about reading: some motherfuckers bring in “coolness” into the equation and ruin it for the rest of us.”
“CLASH wants your creepy stories!”
“Look, I’ve read a great French author named Marquis de Sade. 120 Days of Sodom. So I know what’s up.”
“There will always be people better than you. Some of them will always be better than you. Some are so far ahead that you can’t possibly hold a candle to them.”
Atlanta is for us.
It shows what it is to be young, gifted, broke, and most importantly, Black.
“Fight Club is a story of a man’s journey to finally being able to commit to a woman”
“Me and The DC Mandingos we got a gangbang going on tonight; it is with some old white woman in Bethesda. We’re gonna film it. You should come, man; there’s going to be pizza.”
Let’s just say right off the bat that we are deeply disappointed! Yes, us! And yes, “deeply” is the right word—it works to show exactly how disappointed we are.
“She looked at me and said, “You guys actually don’t suck. And you remind me of Billy Corgan, but with hair. Do you have any pot?”
“Let me tell you why you hate SJWs so much: you hate them because you’re perfectly comfortable with things the way they are. “
“Perv #2: So, who is this Anna Karenina bitch? Does she like the D?”
“Bad dancing skills at a club can make the coldness of the ice in her screwdriver or Bayberry Breeze travel all the way down to her vagina.”
“I enjoy a good, brain dead action film every now and then as much as the next guy.”
“What is it with conservative celebrities now having British accents? Are there no more talented conservative mouthpieces under 50 in America itself, that the right has to outsource them from across the pond?”
“The Evolutionary Psychology Department of Dartmouth published a peer-reviewed study on the sexual attractiveness and sexual experience of men who send Private Messages on Facebook. In the sample survey of the 1032 men selected, those who sent sexual messages and compliments to strangers were the least likely to reproduce.”
“If the Cavs win Donald Trump has no chance to win the election. He needs Ohio and West Pennsylvania citizens to be as miserable as possible to give him any hope of becoming president.”
“Moby Dick was way too long and talked way too much about whales (like, real ones, not the chicks in Alpha Phi), but it had an awesome theme I could relate to—brotherhood”
“There are certain stains that can’t be justified in my life. I let an old man tug at my dick for a hundred bucks, and I slapped his cheeks and came over his face, and felt good, and bought an eighth and some Xanax.”
“Rape is fucking wrong.”
“It’s not hard to see it as a pioneering piece of genre cinema.”
“Owning a laptop… Going to a coffee shop… Having a cat…”
“Right now my fellow proletariats are making money off the middle class selling them weed. Where it’s legalized, it’s the bourgeoisie selling to the bourgeoisie.”