I’ve taken it upon myself to revive the celebratory art of wassailing.
At least when shit hits the fan I’ll have tomatoes.
“There is something spicy & sensual about the warm taste of ginger on your tongue.”
“No more CHRISTMAS SHIT for the rest of the night.”
“Plant magic has been an integral part of seasonal ceremony. Long before Christmas was decking the halls, it was exploring the inner caverns of our psyche.”
“When I was your age, mija, I had my heart broken by a beautiful man.”
LET’S GET WITCHY!
“She looked at me, my tiny jeans falling off of my concave stomach, and then wrote in my copy of the book, “Baby Steps.”
“Every human being gets addicted to something.’
“Once he jumped on me while I was humping my pillow.”
“You can just imagine all those Chinese like a little army of yellow ants crawling over it, can’t you?”
“We loved Kerouac’s Mexico City Blues and Enzo wanted to read the whole book out loud. It took a long time because we got very drunk.”
“I can already see the glazed over eyes of anyone who dares read this shit.”
“If you enjoy surrealistic Bizarro fiction with a heart too big to contain within its pages, then this is the collection for you.”
“My grandmother made Christmas ornaments from dried apricots and sugar cookies that she baked with her own hands, a creation upon a creation. They were all tiny women, and she gave them dark hair like us, which felt like a gift to me.”
“Our abuelitas went to special masses and some of the nativity sets under our trees featured a baby Jesus that had slightly darker skin than the Jesus the gringos put under their tree.”
“Whether you think Christmas is shit or Christmas is the shit, when you are Catalan, your Christmas is going to be full of shit. And I mean literally. And no, it doesn’t get that dirty (usually).”
“Entertain us with your Christmas traditions and recollections.”
“When I saw the mall Santas I always knew it was a man in a suit.”
“The first reported incident of death caused by the soda was in January of 2011.”
“Food trends occur every couple of years and frankly, they’re pretty damn obnoxious. Why? Because you have thousands of people acting like they adore food products slightly more than they actually do and I just can’t take it!”