Did you get bullied by crossing guards in high school?
“Big Baller Poetry books are coming soon!”
Fuck, Kill, or Mary: Philip K. Dick, Dick Wolf, Dick Van Dyke?
I brought receipts
What is the best path?
it balances the tough terrain of a horror comedy. It works because it is more a horror film than comedy, but has enough heart and more than enough laughs.
“What was it like to have your first book There’s No Happy Ending optioned by Vivid Video for their hand job denial imprint?”
The writer and creator behind 90210, Younger, Sex & The City, and beloved Melrose Place once again faces a disappointing Nobel day.
Headed by Rupi Kaur and infamous Instagram Bro Poet Collin Yost
It was not politics that made me believe Trump was a scumbag, it was a sports documentary that was part of ESPN’s 30 for 30 series Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL?
“I don’t know if Josh is still sober, but it sounds like he’s getting a good high playing this song.”
“I never thought a book would make me look at shadows with suspicion. Brian Allen Carr is a bad man. Dude is the Aaron Rodgers of indie writers.”
“You are very critical of micropresses/small presses using P.O.D. but you have to admit Youth of the Nation is a good song.”
Can musicians who are really into math rock still get laid?
You were published this past year by Lazy Fascist Press. What was it like working with the alt-right?
In professional sports there is ALMOST never a good reason to lose, and in writing there is never a good reason to write poorly. Both are the golden rules of being ‘successful’ but what if you need to lose to get better, and need to write some shit to get better? What if losing and being shitty is part of the process to become great?
I talked and debated with Twitter friend and popular YouTube Personality Wizard of Cause on John Podesta’s Pizza Party
So I went to see The Circle even though it had a 17% Rotten Tomato…
Philip Levine or Billy Collins who makes better lasagna? Follow up question, who is the better poet Blink 182 or Billy Collins?
One of the earliest reviews I received said, “A full on satire of contemporary law as mesmerizing and complex as something lost from David Foster Wallace, yet as light in tone as A Confederacy of Dunces.” First I was flattered, thrilled, and then I thought, wait, didn’t both those guys kill themselves?
“I finished The Yellow House by Chiwan Choi in one sitting, on my birthday.”
“Hardcore fart song, bro. I liked it.”
“Around Christmas time I would have to set up The Singing Santa next to the lube.”
Author Christoph Paul gives his thoughts on the election.
“We geeked out about politics for 4 hours.”
“I am a huge Miami Dolphin fan and for the first time and what feels like forever, I enjoyed watching them play football.”
“I didn’t realize how out of shape I was until I tried running a mile.”
This poem should at least get some Google hits.
“I know so many people who hate Clinton as much as I hated my old government job.”
“I’ve experienced a lot of diverse literary events but Brooklyn Book Festival has always been one of my favorites.”
“Look, I’ve read a great French author named Marquis de Sade. 120 Days of Sodom. So I know what’s up.”
“Me and The DC Mandingos we got a gangbang going on tonight; it is with some old white woman in Bethesda. We’re gonna film it. You should come, man; there’s going to be pizza.”
Let’s just say right off the bat that we are deeply disappointed! Yes, us! And yes, “deeply” is the right word—it works to show exactly how disappointed we are.
“So the best movie of the summer and maybe the best horror film of the year is about white kids in Detroit robbing a blind guy.”
“She looked at me and said, “You guys actually don’t suck. And you remind me of Billy Corgan, but with hair. Do you have any pot?”
“DIRTY’S GUIDE TO CLEAN LIVING AND BROOKLYN ZOOING…”
“Perv #2: So, who is this Anna Karenina bitch? Does she like the D?”
“You must be amazing because karma has blessed you with finding me.”
“Bad dancing skills at a club can make the coldness of the ice in her screwdriver or Bayberry Breeze travel all the way down to her vagina.”
“Christoph Paul asks some tough questions to phone sex actress and author Jenny Ainsile-Turner
“Clash book reviewer and current art therapy patient and psychopath Jason Voorheesberg reviews Juliet Escoria’s new poetry collection Witch Hunt.”
“What is it with conservative celebrities now having British accents? Are there no more talented conservative mouthpieces under 50 in America itself, that the right has to outsource them from across the pond?”
“With an attempt to reach young people and please the donors of the NRA, The Republican Party will feature Slim Jesus speaking at their 2016 convention.”
“When the Miami Heat offered him a 2-year deal with a 50% pay cut to play for ten million a year instead of his usual ten million, it was his pride more than his pocketbook that got hurt.”
“Top 5 books you should be reading.”
“The Evolutionary Psychology Department of Dartmouth published a peer-reviewed study on the sexual attractiveness and sexual experience of men who send Private Messages on Facebook. In the sample survey of the 1032 men selected, those who sent sexual messages and compliments to strangers were the least likely to reproduce.”
“Eli Roth + Death Wish Remake = We Are Fucking Excited”
“If the Cavs win Donald Trump has no chance to win the election. He needs Ohio and West Pennsylvania citizens to be as miserable as possible to give him any hope of becoming president.”
“Moby Dick was way too long and talked way too much about whales (like, real ones, not the chicks in Alpha Phi), but it had an awesome theme I could relate to—brotherhood”
“Being a really tall and muscular white boy is better than being in a boy band in the late 90’s”
“It’s national best friend day. Here is a list to capitalize on this and bring more traffic to this site.”
“In exciting publishing and video game news, the video game MFA vs NYC is now in post-production.”
“CLASH will be covering the new season.”
“Dan Falatko, the author of Condominium, and I met through our publisher, Chicago Center of Literature and Photography. We became fast friends and shared a book-signing table at AWP this year in Los Angeles.”
“The only spoiler is I fucking hate The Babadook”
“I believe it is when you are trying something outside of comfort zone, trying something you’ve never done before, but believing you can do it is the epitome of bringing the mother fucking ruckus.”
“The tube I would have been on had blown up. If I had stuck to my daily schedule, I wouldn’t be here today.”
“Meet Ernie. His life is a mess. Gretchen’s gone, and the apartment they once shared in this grey, grim city is now overrun with intelligent mold and sinister bugs.”
“We want 2,000 to 3,000 word stories dealing with anything Wu-Tang Clan related. That could be Gravediggaz themes of horror, cool ass ninja shit, grimy Shaolin monks, slick futuristic science fiction a la Bobby Digital, gritty, or off-the wall crime fiction.”
“While many longtime Facebook users are complaining about the new “Like” options on Facebook, many entrepreneurial drug dealers are coming back to the social media site.”
“Jeb Bush failed to place again in the South Carolina Primary. With a heavy heart and new understanding of being picked on, he will now travel the states explaining why bullying is hurtful and ruins people’s dreams.”
“Whether it is writing or doing any activity that involves you being vulnerable, you are going to have to find ways to push through when you’re ‘not feeling it.’ I think the toughest job for artists of any genre is not creating (good habits and desire will take care of that) but dealing with and managing feelings.”
“Homophobic pasta giant Barilla will now being using Scalia’s blood for their brand new sauce: Antonin & Eve.”
“The Gilmore Girls kept me company and gave me a much-needed break from the nihilistic porn store squalor. Stories and characters at their best make you feel less alone. Stars Hollow was a great place to go visit while sitting in a porn store.”
“Below is a leaked transcript from the New Jersey 3rd Circuit Court. It is a conversation of a 3 man chat room group: New Jersey JuggalosB4Hoes. This conversation contains very offensive material and Clash Media does not support these sentiments or the Juggalos.”
“Today is Ayn Rand’s birthday. I wonder how she acted on her birthday. Was she extra selfish? Did she see it as a celebration of the self, or just another reminder that she’d one day die?”
“I took these hoes to the Denny’s bathroom. I started singing for these tricks, serenading these hoes as they gave me all the pussy and they even licked my balls.”
“CLASH Editor Christoph Paul recently sat down with fellow author Vincenzo Bilof (author of The Violators) about writing career and a lot more.”
“It’s not really about writing every day. I do write every day and it helps me a lot to stay in a rhythm, but it’s not about days for me. It is about hours.”
“I click on it because there are hot naked women masturbating and then there are 50 different girls, guys, and transsexuals, and couples all getting down in a little screen.
It looks like the Hollywood Squares of porn.”
“There are two types of Miami Dolphin fans: one group that needs something to do on a Sunday, because they are still high on coke from partying Saturday night; the other is people who equate home, family, and regional pride with watching the Miami Dolphins on Sunday.”
“An aimless young man (Lou Taylor Pucci) takes an impromptu trip to Italy and becomes involved with an alluring genetics student (Nadia Hilker) who harbors a transformative secret.”
“There are different types of assholes. I’m a Steve Jobs type of asshole, that’s when if I see something that I find fucking stupid or not up to par, I want tell the person how fucking stupid they are and then shame them for being so god damn moronic.”
“I have high levels of empathy. Not Will Graham level, but up there.”
“My laptop was positioned perfectly on my bed. I was looking at Tubegalore.com but I was not sure what topic to pick when I heard a ghostly voice echo in my studio apartment, “Chrisssstoppph, Chrissstoph, do not jerk off. For I am the ghost of jerk off past.”
“Once upon a time in a magical place named New Jersey there was a young woman named Jane. She had pretty blond hair and liked to drink magical juice that made her forget how boring College was: a place where people read magical books to make their brains bigger…”
“I learned the poet was a photographer as well and his photos reflected the same sensibilities as his poems…”
“For better or worse I see things very much through the lens of International Relations. I see the distribution of digital art as similar to the politics of the Cold War.”