Poetry: My wife and My Penis are Having an Affair by Garvan Giltinan


Garvan Giltinan


My wife and my penis are having an affair

They appear


Huddle together

stare into each other’s eyes

and whisper in the dark to the music

of Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.


I flick on the lights,

they jump apart.

I say nothing.



and the sound of silence.

Benefit of the doubt.

Friends. Am I sure?



My wife’s allure

Do they more than whisper?


Boys night.

We hang out.

Gunther, my penis, urges the conversation around

to my wife’s smooth skin and dark bobbed hair.

“Her breasts are soft to the touch,” he sounds.

Inserts the statement surreptitiously

into the flow of the conversation

and acts nonchalant.



hums Scarborough (af)Fair.

And 50 ways.

I say nothing.


My wife dolls herself up.

A clue.

A sign.

An assignation

behind my back.

Right in front

of me?


I wake at night

with the two of them

tugging at each other’s hearts

to the music of Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.


Now they are never apart.

I believe they are in love and plan to leave,


and be together, and visit art galleries

and start a new life.


Apart from me.


They deserve each other.

Both are very needy.



Garvan Giltinan is a recovering Irishman who now resides in Boston with his wife and two cats. He’s been a writer since his teens, and has always had a fascination with the bizarre/ grotesque/ puerile. He has been lucky enough to have his work appear in a number of publications, such as We Belong Dead, New England: Weird, Triggered, and Fatal Fetish ( J. Ellington Ashton), and the website Terror Trap. In addition, he has self-published two novels: Wayne Talisman’s Long Bloody Night, and Wayne Talisman: Way Out Bloody West under his own Nasty Scratch Press. In 2018 his novel Seamus’s Anus will be published by JEA Press. He has an MFA in Creative Writing and Pedagogy from the Pine Manor College Solstice Program and really weirds his wife out with the subject matter of his stories. When not teaching he helps run a no-kill cat shelter in Boston.



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