Saint Valentine was murdered and buried on Feb. 14th for illegally marrying couples. Consequently, if you purchase a copy of THE MORTUARY MONSTER between now and Valentine’s Day and PM me your proof of purchase via FaceBook, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, I will mail you a personalized epitaph on a (poorly) hand drawn tombstone.
-Andrew James Stone
It’s Corpse Bride meets Eraserhead despite Gonzalo’s best efforts to live a life like Leave It to Beaver’s.
Gonzalo grew up in the cemetery under the care of his monstrous parents and in the company of decaying corpses. As a result, he only desired one thing throughout his childhood: To be normal enough to join society. But despite his attempts at running away from his family, he has never been able to leave the mortuary.
Now, as an adult, Gonzalo manages the cemetery. His family has died yet he is still unable to leave. Then, on the night of the annual Cadaver Tea party, something impossible happens—he impregnates the corpse Fiona.
In an attempt to normalize the cemetery before his child’s birth, Gonzalo begins to close all the coffins, forever locking the dead inside. Without the intercession of corpses like Henry, the voluntary babysitter of abused children, Lionel, the life-long explorer, Victoria, the world’s first professional deep-sea water ski champion, and Vincent, Victoria’s long-time lover and trainer, Gonzalo believes he and Fiona will be able to raise their child to join the rest of the world.
But in the throes of terminal calcium deficiency, Fiona’s bones deteriorate to dust immediately after she gives birth. Can Gonzalo make the young Frank, his now motherless, half-corpse son, normal enough for society? Can he raise his son without becoming like his own parents? Will Gonzalo become the Mortuary Monster he has spent his whole life trying to escape?
PRAISE FOR THE MORTUARY MONSTER
“The only book in recent memory that I read, then immediately reread, then have kept peeking back at ever since, just to make sure it didn’t change into something else when I wasn’t looking. As deeply abnormal a narrative as you are ever likely to find, with a monster I would beat to death if I weren’t so fucking sad. Awfully wonderful, and beautifully wrong. I would play baseball with THE MORTUARY MONSTER, and you should, too. Just watch out for the ankle violence!”
-John Skipp, author of The Light at the End and The Art of Horrible People
“Reading like a cross between The Graveyard Book and High Spirits if both had been written by Terry Southern, The Mortuary Monster is a madcap tumble into that tender place where death and life meet, and then try to eat one another. An odd and provocative book, and a seriously audacious debut.”
-Brian Evenson, author of A Collapse of Horses and Immobility
“Andrew Stone’s The Mortuary Monster hits like a Hammer film. It’s a creepy yarn that opens with a birth scene and ends with you losing your whole fucking mind. Crawl into this coffin with me. Crawl into this coffin forever!”
-Brian Allen Carr, author of Sip and Motherfucking Sharks