The Dark Tower or The NeverEnding Story?

By Mame Bougouma Diene

 

This is weird. Very, very weird. This is so fucking weird. My hands are shaking as I type. My vision blurs. My ears bleed. I fear that if I delve too deeply into this I will never be the same again. But I have to do this. This bigger than one man.

The Dark Tower is a movie about a fatherless brown-haired Caucasian teenage boy who magically enters a fantasy world of his imagination, where events have an impact on our world, and a vaguely defined nothingness created by dying belief in the fantasy world’s reality threatens its destruction. To save this fantasy world our adolescent must thwart the imminent destruction of the world’s core. And does.

The NeverEnding Story is a movie about a motherless brown-haired Caucasian teenage boy who magically enters a fantasy world of his imagination, where events have an impact on our world, and a vaguely defined nothingness created by dying belief in the fantasy world’s reality threatens its destruction. To save this fantasy world our adolescent must thwart the imminent destruction of the world’s core. And does.

 

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I am SO confused right now.

Which movie did I just watch?

They are almost the exact same length.

Is any of it real?

Do I even exist?

For anybody else losing your mind as you read this, the following differences between the two flicks will help save your sanity. Unless…

Major Differences:

  • The NeverEnding Story turned the mundane into the iconic. The Dark Tower turns the iconic into the mundane.
  • The NeverEnding story is a rocking 94 minutes long. The Dark Tower is a boring 96 minutes long.
  • The NeverEnding Story has Falcor. The Dark Tower does not.
  • The Dark Tower also contains a needlessly long subplot about a guy named Roland and a guy named Walter who, for some inexplicable reason, have a hard-on for each other.

 

MAME BOUGOUMA DIENE is a Franco –Senegalese American humanitarian living in Brooklyn, New York, and the US/Francophone spokesperson for the African Speculative Fiction Society (http://www.africansfs.com/), with a fondness for progressive metal, tattoos and policy analysis. You can find his work in Brittle Paper, Omenana, Galaxies Magazine (French), Edilivres (French), Fiyah! Magazine, Truancy Magazine and Strange Horizons, and in anthologies such as AfroSFv2 (Storytime), Myriad lands (Guardbridge Books), You Left Your Biscuit Behind (Fox Spirit Books), This Book Ain’t Nuttin to Fuck Wit (CLASH Books), and of course Clash Media. Follow him @mame_bougouma on twitter.

 

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