Super Serious Internet Interview with Author and Musician Tony McMillen

Interview by Christoph Paul

1) If your new book does well can you do a nu-metal sequel titled “The Seventh String of Satan is The Real Mother Fucking Deal Y’all”?

Are you saying you’re down with the litness? Get up, come on, open up your pages and lit it flow into me…fuck, I’m going to actually write this book now. Thanks, you’ll get no credit and less money.

2) Can musicians who are really into math rock still get laid?

No, that shit don’t add up. But if you look sorta crispy working an abacus and shredding the tambourine you may get to fifth base. But only with me.

3) Better musician Tony McMillen or Tony! Toni! Tone!?

I always wished they’d switch up the punctuation on their name, you know? Like, Tony. Toni? Tone! So it’d make it seem that Tony wasn’t responding for some reason and they were worried about them. Also unfamiliar with their spelling and maybe trying to get in all cas (ual) money with dude. To answer your question, why?

4) If Hemingway learned guitar would all of his songs just be power chords?

Dude, yes and here’s his setlist:

  1. “Big Papa” Notorious B.I.G.
  2. “For Whom the Bell Tolls” Metallica
  3. “Def in the Afternoon”
  4. “A Farewell To Arms” /”Jealously Got Me Strapped” 2Pac
  5. “The Sun Also Rises but Your Ass ‘Bout To Drop”
  6. Red Solo Cup * total coincidence, original composition

5) How do you feel to be the originator of the genre post-powerchord Horror?

I so want to be the proto architect of some infuriating, confining sub-sub genre. Just so I can get all huffy about it when people bring it up to me and I can do the ol’ “I really don’t like to label what I do” thing. But then totally produce works which exemplify the trappings of said genre. But I like this powerchord business. Also the word pop, pop gets thrown around a lot lately. Can I be the Iggy Pop of Horrorpop? Or at least its Sum 41?

6) Why are writers more annoying and sad than musicians?

Because at least musicians look cool making their art. Like standing their playing your instrument -even if you’re mumble hiccupping mall angst 8th grade poetry it’s cooler than a person typing words into a machine to make pattern language magic that will create a mind movie in whoever eventually reads it. So yeah, end result of writing, super awesome and compelling but actual process boring as middle-aged rocks. And when musicians gripe about a bad show or writing music there’s still a fucking soundtrack. Writers complaining has no special effects, no budget, no lighting effects. No one else can see the art you complaining about yet; it’s like someone not only having the nerve to tell you all about their dream last night but then they’re gonna complain about this thing which others have no context for.

Counterpoint: Drum solos.

7) In my research, I saw your next project is writing a musical about the evils of the Buddy System. What is it like working with talented writers like Bradley Snow & Kevin Strange?

Hahahahahhaha. “I demand satisfaction, Internet pistols locked, ten paces, we duel at dawn.” I’d rather talk shit about writers I actually know. Stephen King stole my idea for IT back in ’85 when I was 4. My book was called Billy and the Clownosaurus. Steve, direct Maxium Overdrive: Who Made 2? and we’ll call it even.

8) Hey, I sent brilliant interview questions like this to your publisher, but he never answered them? Why don’t most publishers answer my emails or my invites to Outback Steakhouse?

Ross Lockhart is an elegant bachelor way too busy living that cowabunga lifestyle 24 Slevin fueled by the millions earned from publishing my new novel An Augmented Fourth to answer any electronic periodical’s questions. But while Ross toils in daily decadence that would make Chris Cornell want to steal from him what he doesn’t know is I kept all the action figure toyola rights and will totally Jack Nicholson Batman The Movie this shiz and ruin the fancy country club where he feeds his dog hard to pronounce cheeses.

9) Fuck, Kill, Marry: Queens of the Stone Age (this includes the ex-bearded bass player who looks like Brett Savory and throws bottles at people, and Mark Lanegan?)

Boom, easy. Kill Nick Oliveri, his song “Autopilot” is one of the band’s best ever tracks but he is a meth dustferatu (or maybe nose-feratu, with all the coke talk in Feel Good Hit of the Summer) and too much of a violence goblin for my tastes. Mark has a voice like a hungover Metatron and I would love to have him make fuck to me. Which means I gotta marry Josh, which is really the dream. He’s pure sex, brilliant, charming, ginger Elvis and a tall drink of water I’d drain to the last drop.

10) What are you working on now and what do you have to plug?

I am writing a massive rock and roll fantasy western, which reads like Mark Twain’s Dune that I’m calling Higher Climbs the Fire. It will be done someday. I am currently plugging my recently released heavy metal horror novel An Augmented Fourth which was published by the tome tycoons over at Word Horde, a horror concern.


TONY McMILLEN is the author of the novels Nefarious Twit, An Augmented Fourth, and the graphic novel Oblivion Suite. He grew up mostly in Tucson, Arizona but now lives outside Boston with his wife and their invisible dog whom they call Invisipup. It’s all so very damn precious. He writes, draws and plays the guitar but seldom all at the same time.



About Christoph Paul

Nice Jewish boy who writes mean books. Publisher of New English Press. Rep'd by Veronika Boom and writes Bizarro Erotica as Mandy DeSandra.

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