Don’t Breathe is the Best Film of the Summer

So the best movie of the summer and maybe the best horror film of the year is about white kids in Detroit robbing a blind guy. Yup. Not Suicide Squad, Lights Out, Conjuring fucking 58, Batman Vs Superman, or even hot dogs fucking. Nope. Just a low-budge crime horror flick that relies on good ol’ fashioned tension and stakes.

This film should be assigned to all storytelling 101 classes for fiction or screenwriters. I hope and pray David Akers and Zack Snyder watch this if they make sequels of either of their franchises.

In the opening scene, we meet 3 thieves who show Oceans 11-13 is bullshit and there is nothing glamorous about having to steal to get your needs met. I personally hate thieves, but I rooted for them right away—actually only two of them, because I am philosophically against non-African Americans having cornrows.

That is pretty much all I can say without giving much away, or than that they are going to rob a blind man. I can say that when they are in the house I chewed the fuck out my fingernails. The tension, stakes, and plot twists build towards scares that predominantly take place inside of a shitty house. It’s great piece of crime, horror, and minimalist storytelling.

I remember having to piss so bad, but staying put cause I had to see what happens next. It’s that type of film, and there is never a moment of boredom.

Though there is no supernatural element, it felt like I was watching a mixture of a Haunted House and a Heist film, with a dash of Cloverfield Lane.

I was thoroughly satisfied from beginning to end, which I haven’t been able to say much this year. It’s not a perfect film but it is probably one of the best films of the year.


Christoph Paul is an award-winning humor writer and publisher of New English Press. His most recent books are Slasher Camp for Nerd Dorks and Great White House 2: Billary Bites Back. His next book will be a poetry collection titled “Horror Film Poems.” Find him on Twitter @Christophpaul_ and


About Christoph Paul

Nice Jewish boy who writes mean books. Publisher of New English Press. Rep'd by Veronika Boom and writes Bizarro Erotica as Mandy DeSandra.

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