Pounded in the Butt by Social Justice Warriors by Dingleberry Peckerwood

I know what you’re thinking: “Social Justice Warriors are just crybabies. They’re nothing but a group of idiots complaining about everything, accusing everyone of being a racist, and denying the fact that what they do is actually pseudo-progressive authoritarianism and they don’t give a shit about justice.”

You know what? You have a point. There is a lot of that going on, but the problem is not that. No, the problem is that you feel very comfortable putting everyone in that group. That leads to your All Lives Matter bullshit and your constant complaining and your unending quest for examples that can fit that mold instead of paying attention and realizing that at least one out of every ten times, the issue being discussed is important and the group fighting for attention actually deserves it.

Let me tell you why you hate SJWs so much: you hate them because you’re perfectly comfortable with things the way they are. You hate them because maybe your daddy told you that “being a queer” was a sin or you feel like your ancestors “won” this land and you should ignore anything coming at you from Native Americans or maybe the idea of pissing next to a trans person gives you a boner that you feel really uncomfortable with. If that’s not the case, then SJWs are not doing anything to you. You can just ignore them and go about your day without giving them another second of your time. If you are a regular person and have nothing against justice, then you should be perfectly capable of separating folks yelling just to get attention and folks fighting for what’s right. If I see a person eating a taco and someone tells that person that eating a taco if you’re not Mexican is cultural appropriation, I know enough to ignore that person or laugh out loud at their ridiculous claim. That’s called common sense. What I don’t do is spend a couple of hours complaining online about how SJW are ruining tacos. Trust me, if any group messes with tacos, I’ll declare bloody war on them.

Yeah, you see some self-centered asshole complaining about something like that taco and you say he or she is a dumb Social Justice Warrior trying to get on higher moral ground. That’s fine. Maybe you’re right. The problem is that an hour later someone tells you that African American women don’t really enjoy when people come up to them to touch their hair and to please stop that shit and you’re too happy to put that person in the same group. Those two things are different, and you should treat them differently. Knowing the difference between someone saying a white rapper rocking cornrows is bad and black folks asking for a chance to leave the house without getting shot is crucial because the first one doesn’t merit your attention and the second one is a fucking serious issue that you should learn more about and try to help fix. Sadly, that won’t happen. Why? Because if you’re like all the other people I’ve seen complaining about how African Americans and women and “the gays” and Latinos and every other minority uses identity politics to make unnecessary noise about non-issues, then you’re probably white, male, and straight, and for you all complaints are just as silly because you group everyone in with the rich students who want to police thought and scream when someone has a dissenting opinion.

That brings us to your butt. You love saying folks are butthurt. Some are, but some have legitimate discourses. The one with the butthurt going on is you. You love to push everything into the SJW pile because that allows you to keep living comfortably and thinking the way you’ve always thought. It also gives you something new to complain about, which is ultimately what you love most about all this. Yeah, bitching and moaning about how everybody else bitches and moans is now officially an online sport. You say SJW will kill movies, comedy, literature, and everything else. You say political correctness is ruining the world. You say that because it’s ruining your world. You see a white student with some daddy money complaining about something and immediately think that anyone who brings up and issue, complains about racism, or uses the word microaggression is the same, and you’re fucking wrong. I’m brown, poor, and male, but I don’t cringe when someone wants to discuss patriarchy because I know it’s a thing. If what they say is stupid, I walk away and go read a book. If what they say makes sense, I pay attention.

Listen, the fact is that I’ve never really been bothered by SJW. I don’t see their nonsensical shit until you share it and complain about it. Your hatred of SJW makes their non-issues an issue. You are to blame. You need to learn to differentiate between those with nothing to do and those with a legitimate grievance. SJW are out there just like homophobes are out there, but I’d rather spend my time fighting the second group than crying about how the first group is wrong. SJW don’t get on my nerves, but motherfuckers like you kind of do, so stop being an asshole and start paying attention or just be honest about the fact that the comfort the status quo provides you is something you want to defend even from imagined enemies.

Gabino Iglesias is a writer, journalist, and book reviewer living in Austin, TX. He’s the author of ZERO SAINTS (Broken River Books), HUNGRY DARKNESS (Severed Press), and GUTMOUTH (Eraserhead Press). His reviews have appeared in Electric Literature, The Rumpus, 3AM Magazine, Marginalia, The Collagist. Heavy Feather Review, Crimespree, Out of the Gutter, Vol. 1 Brooklyn, HorrorTalk, Verbcide, and many other print and online venues. You can find him on Twitter at @Gabino_Iglesias

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