Slim Jesus Will Be Speaking At The Republican Convention



With an attempt to reach young people and please the donors of the NRA, The Republican Party will feature Slim Jesus speaking at their 2016 convention.

The Republican Party has struggled to find speakers they feel can connect with the youth and minorities. After 3-weeks of futile YouTube searches, they stumbled upon the “Young and Ignorant” hip hop artist’s new video “On The Block”.  The party operatives were very excited with what they found and party leader Reince Priebus shared that enthusiasm with Clash, “Slim Jesus, who even wears his faith in his namesake, shows his love for entrepreneurship, ties to black community, and gun ownership in “On The Block.” We believe Slim Jesus to be the future of the Republican Party.”

Slim Jesus, who became a nationally known rapper because of the graphic images and odd vocal stylings on his song and video “Drill Time,”

is also excited about his newfound appreciation by the Republican Party.

They call me Slim Jesus in the streets, but after the convention I’ma be known as Trump’s Gun. That might be my new single ya heard…with my daddy Trump getting my back bruh, I ain’t ever gonna have to even think about a Kickstarter ever again. I got paper and a gun, you bitches better run.

While many political pundits outside of the Republican Party have expressed concern that Slim Jesus speaking at the republican convention to be a very bad idea, Fox News correspondent Stacy Dash has already started tweeting her love for Slim using hashtag #DrillBabyDrillTime. There are even rumors that Fox News participant and retired rapper Ja Rule will perform with Slim Jesus.

While it remains to be seen if the use of Slim Jesus will impact the election, the young hip hop artist is already being championed by the NRA and the gas industry and is being welcomed with open arms by the majority of the Republican Party.


Christoph Paul is an award-winning humor writer and co-publisher of New English Press. His most recent books are Slasher Camp for Nerd Dorks and Great White House 2: Billary Bites Back. Find him on Twitter @Christophpaul_ and



About Christoph Paul

Nice Jewish boy who writes mean books. Publisher of New English Press. Rep'd by Veronika Boom and writes Bizarro Erotica as Mandy DeSandra.

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