The Right Side of Gay

What about the conservative gay person?

I actually know one. Robert. We’ve gone shooting at the gun range. He’s been involved with his long-time partner, Dale, for years, but they haven’t married yet, even though it’s legal for them now.

Good guy, Robert. He thinks you should actually have to TRY, rather than wait for the government to hand you everything just because you exist. Lots of people exist. Why should Robert, as a hard-working man, have to pay for YOU?

Robert is a conservative gay man, something fairly unique.

Robert, I think, is at the crux of where both the Republican Party and Democrat Party fail. Here is a man who is living openly, unapologetically gay, but who at the same time believes in family values, believes abortion is murder (a point we disagree on), thinks we should bomb the shit out of the Islamo-Nazis. Thinks the government shouldn’t support everything and everyone.

The other night when we were getting drunk, I told him he was black, because black people are only allowed to believe very specific things, too, otherwise they’re bullied with the ugly term ‘housenigger.’ Most recently, Stacy Dash comes to mind.

Robert works hard for his money. So does his partner Dale. They have a house together and a mortgage, and don’t seem too enamored with the idea of paying for everybody else’s free shit.

(Cue the sad violins).

Who gives a fuck if you’re a single mom? Why should Robert pony up because you have shitty taste in men and can’t grasp the concept of birth control?

Accountability, people. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.


About Michael Kindt

Michael Kindt lives in the Black Hills of South Dakota. He has determined to die there. Soon, probably. Books by Kindt:

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