CLASH, I Read, is a Millennial Publication


CLASH, I read, is a Millennial publication.

I read this on CLASH and they would know.

So why am I here, a grouchy, graying Gen Xer?

Because, goddamn it, you punks need me. I remember clearly the 90s and how the prevailing society both discounted and respected us. We were losers. We were slackers. We were grungy. But we were interesting–not because we were losers and slackers and grungy, but because we were the next thing going. There were magazine articles about us, just like there are magazine articles about you.

I can tell you that what you believe now in your early, mid, or even late twenties, is not what you are going to believe 15 years from now. You may think you have it all figured out, but you’re wrong. People evolve, and so will Millennials, many of whom are very similar to people.

If you end up in your forties or fifties believing the exact same shit you believed in your twenties, you’re no better than the homecoming king who peaked in high school. You’ll spend your time masturbating to cheerleaders and giving a shit about the AFC West.

I often ride Millennials, but I’m glad they’re here, doing their own unique thing. Like, for instance, moving back into urban locations. White flight? Millennials are all “fuck that.” Not since before WWII have so many young people actually chosen and sought out truly urban living conditions. Ultimately, they could spell the end of the suburb, exurb, and ‘bedroom community.’ Death to urban sprawl! And Millennials are wisely delaying house buying. Houses are overpriced, yet we are taught from day one that we need to buy a house, which is precisely why they are overpriced. They don’t seem to be drinking the Kool-Aid, the rebellious little bastards.

And there is even some indication that they don’t want to go into nearly life-long debt just to get a college degree. Just an indication, though. Millennials, by and large, still buy into the ‘everybody needs a college education’ bullshit. I actually think it will be the children of Millennials who break the bullshit college stranglehold. By then, college will be, what, 40 million dollars a year?

The cure for high prices is high prices. Haha. Capitalism 101.

(I learned that in college for $14,000.)

Enjoy your moment in the sun, is all I gotta say, Millennials. Soon you will have children and jobs and mortgages and actual taxes of the non-sales variety. Your hyper-liberalism will be mitigated by a nasty thing called ‘real life’. Then, like me, you won’t matter one goddamn bit.

Your children, though… They will matter.


About Michael Kindt

Michael Kindt lives in the Black Hills of South Dakota. He has determined to die there. Soon, probably. Books by Kindt:

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