White Women & The Fetishization of Gay Male Romance

It’s sickening to me that two natural, human components of life for gay men — sex and romance — have become the daydream fetish of bored white women and girls ages 15-30 (and sometimes older.) You see it everywhere. Literally everywhere.

Iron Man & Captain America artwork by Marie V., 2011

It’s never gay men clamoring for Sherlock and Watson to hook up, it’s the piggish college-aged girls who aspire to see it happen. The same girls who whine and complain when their straight male counterparts objectify them by whistling on the street. Do they not see a difference in the two?

One action being less aggressive than the other does not somehow make it superior. Gay and bisexual men are not your imaginary puppets. We do not live life and mingle with others for your entertainment or amusement. And we sure as hell do not need your picketing for our representation simply to improve your shows.

If you find yourself struggling to wrap your fragile brain around the concept, I have three words for you: get a life. Find something better to do with your time and stop compartmentalizing human beings who are trying to get on in the world to fill your ‘gay male lust’ quota.


About Fred Dickerson

Fred Dickerson is a writer from New York.

23 Responses

  1. Robyn

    Hello! I would like to put my two pence worth into this debate. I see you are very certain about the reason for this obsession, it is a fetishization and nothing more. I personally believe that to say such a widespread and popular act as ‘gay shipping’ is entirely due to lust must be far too simple, before you condemn something it is necessary to analyse it completely. Yes, to an extent, guy on guy action is hot to the hetero woman. This is not, however, a matter of fetishes. It is perfectly biologically normal for a woman to find males being overtly sexual in any context ‘hot’ – and the same matter is demonstrated in hetero men watching lesbian pornography. But it is extremely important that you recognise gay shipping is about far more than sex, it is the natural impulse of seing two people with an extremely close bond and visualising them in a relationship. Although it may seem so to the outsider the concept involves more than ‘aren’t they cute together’ like playing with dolls. Yes, these are imaginary games, but it is not simple objectificatoon that causes them. Also to the female a gay relationship seems like the ultimate equal relationship, where men can express their vulnarability and there is not this clouing stereotype found in straight ships of one character fulfilling the role of ‘damsel in distress’. What could be more alluring to a woman attracted to men than a man with complexities snd who shows his feelings. It also niftily works arounf the problem of jealousy. It is more difficult to feel jealous of a man. Also (if you are interested this comes from the point of view of a woc) saying something you hate is exclusive to ‘white women’ is extremely worrying. Had you started the article with ‘bored black women’ it would clearly have seemed prejudiced. If race equality is something to be taken seriously we must be aware of double standards, despite privilege.
    Thank you for taking your time to read this 😊

  2. Jack

    All this was just a blatant, uneducated attack. What about lgbt women who just want to see more representation of non-hetero relationships that don’t play off of ridiculous tropes?

    Some angry meninist decided to write a piece of “news”. You even attack your readers.

    You’re the one who needs to get a life, buddy.

  3. Alex

    I’m sorry but I do need to say something. First I would like to say that I, myself am bisexual and Hispanic so that off the bat disproves your generalization of white hetero women. You say that it’s a fetish to want two men to be in a relationship but no one bats an eye when people want a man and a woman to be in a relationship. People fawn over the relationships of straight people, so what’s so bad about doing the same with lgbt+ people? You also mentioned that the over generalization of people that you’re talking about should stop picketing for representation to improve shows. But people definitely should picket! Lgbt+ representation in shows is lacking. Representation also helps move our society to further accept people of different sexual and gender identities. I found your article in bad taste from the stereotyping and the general lack of knowledge on the subject. But I do hope that you will consider my feedback.

      1. Simon

        Why do you keep posting the same thing over and over without really expecting a reply nor giving one, Miu?
        Just curious.

    1. _

      Well…. yeah? We think they’re wrong, why wouldn’t we argue? They attacked us, so we’re fighting back with valid points. The writer clearly didn’t do too much research into what fandoms actually consist of, and we want our voices to be heard. That’s not wrong. What the hell do you mean by “so obvious”?

  4. Elise B

    also, as a bi woman I’m equally annoyed with men who try to police my sexuality and the ways I express it. food for thought

  5. Jeanie

    Hello 🙂 I have read through this article and I definitely have to disagree to the ways in which you have addressed the matter. I see where you are coming from. However, I disliked that you used the word “white women and girls”. Now for one, I have never had the fetish of two men being together, nor am I a white woman. They way in which you made your point had no evidence and was clearly biased against the range of people in which you have stated. I however, would love to see you make your point in a non-biased and calm manner.

  6. So…it is totally okay if male look at lesbian porn to turn themselves up, but if woman enjoy gay porn it is somehow a problem? I also don’t see how the way real live woman are treated by real live men has anything to do with what they might do in their fantasies. There is a big difference there. I also doubt that all of the fanfiction writers are white girls and woman. Do you have any statistics about that?

    I also want to add an observation I have made: Shipping in fandom has little to do with genders and a lot to do with the kind of characters which are provided. Meaning that in fandoms based on shows in which you find layered female characters, the shipping focusses on the females…to stay in the MCU, in the Agent Carter fandom the most popular ship is Peggy/Angie or Peggy/Sousa, while in the Jessica Jones fandom everything focusses on Jessica/Trish. There is certainly a reason to ask why so many writers believe that a sexual relationship is the only kind of relationship worth writing about. But the high rate of male slash actually reflects the lack of well-written females in the media. If there were more, they would be the ones getting shipped.

  7. fuck you

    Yet another misogynist gay man who thinks being gay is a ticket out of male privilege. “Piggish college-age girls”? Fuck off, asshole. Lots of us aren’t college age. Or white. Or even straight.

  8. Anthony

    I completely disagree with the OP because when our straight white male counterparts objectify and whistle at women is a real issue, sexualizing fictional characters isn’t.

    1. Simon

      Anthony, it’s hardly only white men who objectify women, and I find it offensive that you believe so. And women don’t just sexualize fictional characters, they do it in real life. I was out with my boyfriend at a cafe and a stranger walked up to us and told us that we were “Soooo cuuuuuuttteee~” while her friends stared at us and giggled.
      So yeah, when I feel like a doll that women stare at and fantasize with, I kind of find it a problem.

      1. ...

        He’s saying “straight white male” because that’s what they say in the article.
        So you’re saying it is a problem when someone calls you and your boyfriend cute? Are you kidding? It’s not because you’re gay, it’s because you looked cute together. Also happens with straight couples. Maybe you felt like a doll, but they probably didn’t intend that… You’re overreacting.

  9. Heteronormative bullshit :))))

    Clearly you haven’t made the effort to actually look into this shit, because you’re completely wrong.
    “It’s never gay men clamoring for Sherlock and Watson to hook up, it’s the piggish college-aged girls who aspire to see it happen” I have gay friends who ship John and Sherlock. I have lesbian friends who ship John and Sherlock. My mom ships them more than I do. I’m not in college, I’m confused about my sexuality, and I ship John and Sherlock. It has nothing to do with sexuality, it has everything to do with their relationship.
    Why is it so abnormal to ship to men together? Why is it that when I ship a lot straight couples, no one gives a shit, but if god forbid I like more than one ship involving two men than it’s suddenly me being creepy, or obsessed with them, or “fetishizing”. I ship women together too. And men and women. And, if there was enough representation, I’m sure I’d ship non-binary people with others. It’s not about it being “hot” it’s about me thinking they’d be cute in a relationship.
    And if women interested in men do find it hot, who cares? If they’re attracted to men then of fucking course they’re going to find two men better than one. It’s not a fetish, it’s just common sense.
    And catcalling is a whole different issue. First of all- most of them are fictional characters, so it really doesn’t matter. A fictional characters is not going to feel disrespected if you think they’re hot, or that they’d go well with another member of the same gender. And as for the real, living famous people- they get called hot on a day to day basis.I hardly think they give two shits that some women are fantasizing about their relationships online.
    Why is shipping straight couples normal, and gay couples not?

  10. Lady

    I’m a slash shipper. Am I white? No. Am I straight? No. Am I a woman? Sometimes.

    The only thing I can say is: get over yourself. There’s nothing wrong with shipping homosexual pairings the same way there’s nothing wrong with shipping heterosexual pairings.

    To those reading this: I am a hispanic, pansexual, genderfluid person and I say IT’S OKAY TO SHIP WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO SHIP.

    Carry on.

  11. Reblogged this on poetrynerdsunite and commented:
    I’ve been googling a post that perfectly describes what I’m feeling and thinking right now. This is so important, especially with everyone tuning into the Norwegian tv show Skam and literally starting at s3 just for Isak and Evan because they are “aesthetically pleasing”…

  12. Betony

    I agree with everything you said. And LOL the fangirls get so defensive about it, too. They all flock onto here and just talk over people instead of step back and examine their behavior. Get a life, kids.

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