End of the World

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine because, no, it’s fucking not.

People have been saying for centuries that the end is nigh. Predictions for the doom of mankind seem to be about as old as mankind himself. Isn’t that odd? My brief Google research turned up possibly the earliest written record of a prediction for the end of the world, from the Assyrians. The clay tablet, dating from around 2800 B.C., states flatly in cuneiform that the Earth was in its final days, and that humanity was slowly deteriorating into a corrupt society that would only end with its destruction.

Sound familiar?

And that’s a 5,000 year old secular text. Everybody knows that every religion has an apocalypse in some iteration or other. Ragnarok, for example, among the Vikings. But it ain’t just religions who thing the world is about to end. There are perhaps even more secular doomsday scenarios.

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Kareem Abdul-Jabbar warns a Bruce Springsteen knock-off of the apocalypse in The Stand (1994)

 

Yes, humans have been saying for centuries upon centuries that THE END IS NIGH! but the problem is it never fucking is. Predictions of societal breakdown, worldwide chaos, complete economic collapse are a dime a dozen, not just today, but always.

Why do you think that is?

When I was a kid, the world was gonna end because of a new ice age, then a few decades later it’s going to end because of global warming, propagandized most recently as “climate change.”

What an inane, completely ridiculous thing this “climate change” label is. I am writing this on December 29th, and you know what? Six months ago the climate was a whole lot different than it is now. It’s almost as if it has CHANGED, climatically speaking.

A few years ago the world was going to end because of the Mayan calendar, then a little before that it was Y2K that was going to take us down. Also, at any given moment (depending on who you listen to), the economy is on the verge of utter collapse.

The modern world economy did collapse utterly once before, in the 1930s. It was called the Great Depression and, look, we made it through that. People try to scare us with drug resistant bacteria, but the Black Plague wiped out a quarter of Europe, and, look, Europeans went on to dominate everything–the globe, science, the arts, world culture, everything–much to the endless annoyance of current liberal arts students.

I suspect that many people secretly LIKE chaos and secretly WANT the world to end. There is a suicidal element afoot in our society, and when the next Big Terrible Thing comes (and it will), I hope those naysaying motherfuckers are taken out first.

Me, I’m here to stay.

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