REVIEW: ‘The Force Awakens’ As I Fall Asleep

Let me just say this about Star Wars: The Force Awakens in the least spoilery way possible… It fuckin’ stinks.


Adam Driver as Kylo Ren

J.J. Abrams just pulled the con of the century. He sold millions of dollars worth of tickets to a movie you’ve already seen before. There is little new ground covered here with The Force Awakens, and as a lifelong Star Wars fan (I have ‘Han Shot First’ tattooed on my inner forearm) I cannot express the disappointment I felt when every major element of A New Hope was rehashed before my very eyes every twelve minutes.

Why do filmmakers think it’s a good idea to reinvigorate dead franchises with more of the same? We want new stories. New characters. New feelings. You can’t recapture what was once given with a carbon copy. Sorry, J.J.

Aside from the strikingly familiar beats and plot, the rest of the movie is, well, …less than to be desired. The acting varies. John Boyega is a welcome addition to the Star Wars family and Adam Driver does his best as Kylo Ren… but the rest of the cast falls face down in a pool of ‘meh.’

I hate to say it, but I’m more likely to revisit Attack of the Clones before this mess.