REVIEW: ‘The Force Awakens’ As I Fall Asleep

Let me just say this about Star Wars: The Force Awakens in the least spoilery way possible… It fuckin’ stinks.

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Adam Driver as Kylo Ren

J.J. Abrams just pulled the con of the century. He sold millions of dollars worth of tickets to a movie you’ve already seen before. There is little new ground covered here with The Force Awakens, and as a lifelong Star Wars fan (I have ‘Han Shot First’ tattooed on my inner forearm) I cannot express the disappointment I felt when every major element of A New Hope was rehashed before my very eyes every twelve minutes.

Why do filmmakers think it’s a good idea to reinvigorate dead franchises with more of the same? We want new stories. New characters. New feelings. You can’t recapture what was once given with a carbon copy. Sorry, J.J.

Aside from the strikingly familiar beats and plot, the rest of the movie is, well, …less than to be desired. The acting varies. John Boyega is a welcome addition to the Star Wars family and Adam Driver does his best as Kylo Ren… but the rest of the cast falls face down in a pool of ‘meh.’

I hate to say it, but I’m more likely to revisit Attack of the Clones before this mess.

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